Are you too comfortable with your spouse?

Do you remember your high school days? The youthful days full of hormones, endless energy, ambition, frustration, and of course girls! (or boys!).  School dances, proms, and good lord summer time when all the girls would be wearing short clothes.  It was distracting and a big trial to lower the gaze.  Growing up in the U.S. was definitely a trial.  Balancing assimilation with the Muslim morals was a big challenge.  But Alhamdullillah you did it!  Inshallah your effort will be rewarded in Jannah.

How did you dress back in high school and in college?  Probably knew the fashion trends and tried to stay current in your wardrobe.  You probably got haircuts and worked out right?  Boy you were a stud! (Or a hot babe).  Than you got married.

Obviously, you were happy in your marriage thus gained the obligatory 20-30 pounds of fat due to your wife’s amazing cooking.  Since you are now already married your relatives stopped asking you “When are you getting married” Instead, you couldn’t escape the question when are you having a child?  So yeah, sure enough your wife got pregnant within the first year of marriage.

By now, you got really comfortable with your wife and don’t even run the water in the washroom while you do your business (you know what I mean).  You have the same haircut for years now and the clothes are the ones you got in gifts for your marriage.  You’re now working longer hours at work to get ahead in your career to support your family.

On the flip side, your wife doesn’t do makeup anymore and is tired all the time from taking care of the baby.  Imagine the daily routine you got into: You get to work and Ashley the pretty intern waves at you, smiles and says Hi!….You go to get some Starbucks coffee to stay awake in the boring meeting.  Your cashier smiles at you and says please come again.  On the way home, you see billboards with beautiful women smiling at you.  You ring the bell and there is your wife still in her pajamas, disheveled hair from the afternoon nap.  She doesn’t even look at you…just says “where were you?  I have been trying to call you…did you pick up the yogurt?”   What a mood killer!  No hi?  No hello?  What happened to the women I married?

From the wife’s perspective, the view is even worse.  She sees you every day coming home from work and sitting on the sofa.  Plopped down with belly sagging.  She wonders what happened to the man she married?  The man she couldn’t stop talking about to her friends.  He looked so good in his suit on our wedding day.  Why should I work out and stay fit for him if he doesn’t care about how he looks?

Ah the vicious cycle of marriage blahs.   We are so concerned about being Muslim in our lives but overlook the most essential part of ito-our relationship with each other.  Both the wife and husband kept each other pure throughout high school and college.  They didn’t go on dates or flirt with the opposite gender.  Now is your chance brothers and sisters.  It’s halal now!.  Go ahead, go on a date with your wife, and flirt with her!  Yeah but get out of the rut of marriage blahs.  It doesn’t have to be this way.

Guys, get off your ass and workout to look good for your wife!  This is actually the time you should look better than you did when you were in high school.  Do not fall into the cultural norm of “hey you got her now why do you need to make effort to look good”  or ever hear this one: ‘Who are you doing all this workout and dressing for brother, aren’t you married?”  blah blah blah…

STOP!

Just stop and think…you have a beautiful wife.  You need to give her a life time of looking over at you and saying to herself: “Alhamdullillah I have a gorgeous husband, I can’t keep my eyes off of him”.  She deserves that after keeping herself pure for years.  She deserves to have a strong, healthy, fashionable man to look at.  Go and update your wardrobe.  If you are not into what’s trendy these days, go to a nice store and ask the store associate for help.  Go get a haircut.  Ask the stylist to do anything they want to with your hair…something different, trendy…Start working out.  Yeah your life is busy but everyone has 30 minutes to workout.  You have to make the time!  Do something you will be consistent at instead of going overboard and working out every day.  Maybe get some equipment and create a gym in your garage.  Make working out a lifestyle and not a phase where you will give up after a few weeks.    Ibn Abbas(RA) said :  “Verily I love to beautify myself for my wife  just as I love my wife to beautify herself for me because Allaah says:

And the women have the same rights as those that are over them from what is reasonable.” [Sooratul-Baqarah 2: 228]

Our beloved prophet would return home and immediately go and brush his teeth with miswak and freshen up.  He would do this so when he meets his wife, he would not have bad breath and look good for her.  Brothers when you go to work, you dress to impress because you value the opinion of your co-workers.   Did the Prophet (SWS) not say “The best amongst you are the ones that are best to their wives?”  When we go out with the wife, why don’t we dress up?  Why don’t you dress up for her?  If anyone, she deserves to see you dressed the best because you should be the best to your wife that includes the best dressed.

So stop the laziness towards each other!  Start today and make the intention that you are making the effort to follow in the footsteps and Sunnah of the Prophet to look good for your spouse.  You will not only gain hasanat but the appreciation of your spouse.

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